The paradox of motherhood

Duron and I used to leisurely shop for our groceries on a Sunday. We’d wander along the aisles, carefree, and then saunter over to the Woolworths cafe for a late breakfast. Fast forward to today. Reality check. I tried to escape the house without Nunu noticing, but he came bolting out of the kitchen door as soon as he heard the car start up and I was reversing out the drive way. He insisted that he come with to Pick n Pay (we’ve downgraded from Woolworths, kids are expensive). After asking (begging) him to stay with his father, he had a full meltdown and my heart softened knowing I was back at work the next day. So off I headed to Pick n Pay and thought Nunu would calmly sit in the trolley. Wrong.

I was THAT mother. He insisted that the trolley was not good enough for him, only my shoulders would do. So I rocketed around, tossing random items in the trolley while a toddler clung to my head and every now and again poked his finger in my eyeball to check if I was still alive. You know you’re a hot mess when an elderly lady asks you if you’re OK when you’re both in the fruit aisle inspecting the bananas... On a serious note though... I know that as moms, we are never allowed to moan. We have to always be martyrs, bravely soldiering on because should you complain, it’ll look like you’re ungrateful. And while I completely agree that Nunu is the biggest blessing I’ve ever received and I am privileged to be his mom, no one ever quite prepared me for the truth behind motherhood: how much our lives are going to change and how much we will have to sacrifice as mothers. Our identity as we know it changes completely and our hearts live outside our bodies. 

I’ll never forget the first time I drove on my own after my C-Section and, before I left, I kept thinking freeeeeeedom... but as I reversed out the garage, I realized that I was responsible for this little being and I’d never be the first person in my own life, it would be him from then on.

I find motherhood to be the most rewarding, terrifying, wonderful and trying journey! I have changed (for the better) since becoming a mom and couldn’t imagine life without this little guy.